Friday we met so we could go see the apartment together. We got in this stupid fight about ultimetely stupid things. He made a comment about how I was the one who wanted to meet that morning and I was the one who wanted to go see the apartment and he didn't even want to do it and it was a waste of time. And what would we do with all the time we had left to kill? What a stupid plan it was. Being furious that he didn't even want to see the apartment he would be sharing with me for the next year of his life that he hadn't even seen yet, I said something like , ''If you don't care then I'm done. Take me home." And as he was getting off at the exit I said "If you take me home then I know you don't care and I'm done." and I was crying as I said it and I was scared he really was going to take me home. I had to know that he cared as much about me as I did him. I felt like I had to know if I was choosing the right person to be with for the rest of my life or if I was choosing someone who would let me go the first time I walked out the door in anger. As we were heading North I kept saying things like "Wow, I can't really believe you don't care. You are pathetic." And then he pulled off at exit 97. I couldn't stop crying and I asked why he was getting off. He said, "I'm dropping you off so your parents can come get you." I started crying really hard and couldn't believe he was being so mean. Then he was in the lane to go South again. I thought, wow he really is going to keep going and be the bigger person. But no, then he got into the right lane to go north. I started crying again. And then to my suprise he switched over again and pulled into the car pool.

It was total silence except for my quiet crying. I didn't know what to think. I kept beginning to form a speech in my head for when one of us finally spoke up. 'I really want to make this work' I kept thinking. Finally, I felt him touch my arm. I knew all along he didn't want to let me end it. I didn't turn. I wanted to stay strong. I wanted to let him know how serious I was and that I wasn't going to let my guard down with the first apologetic touch.

Finally I started bawling and climbed over to his seat. I cried on his shoulder as he brushed my hair and rubbed my back. I cried "I want to make this work so badly but I can't if I don't know that you don't care as much as me. I want to know that when I walk out the door you will chase after me. I want to know that when I say I'm done, You wont let me be." "I want to know that your love for me is bigger than your pride."

I cried and let out so many things. I am no longer afraid that if I say I'm done, he will just let me leave. I'm no longer afraid that one day it will be too much.

He knew as he was getting off at the exit to turn around that he wouldn't take me all the way home. He knew he wouldn't let me go. He knew he would turn around again eventually. He knows he will never let me walk out the door forever.

I'm not afraid of anything anymore. I firmly believe that you will always be there for me. And I have nothing to worry about.



Do you ever just look at someone and know that you will never even have the oppurtunity to get to miss that face? Well I do.